Sometimes A Loss Can Be Sad and Beautiful
I’m a teacher by day, and during lunch duty on Monday, a sweet third grader pulled me aside for a chat. She asked, “Did you know that at 11:59 pm tomorrow, winter will end and the next minute spring will begin?” I replied, “Why, yes, I did know that. Are you excited about it or do you prefer winter?” She said, “I’m very excited for spring and warmer days. Do you like the first day of spring?” With tears welling up, I smiled and said, “Yes, I do.”
This little girl must have thought I loved spring, and in many ways, I do. But it’s also a bittersweet day for me, as it marks the anniversary of losing one of my favorite people—my 99-year-old Memere.
I remember that day as if it were yesterday. I knew she was nearing the end of her life, but my heart refused to accept it. She was supposed to live to 100! I left my home to make the 90-minute drive to visit my grandmother for the final time. I guess I wasn’t prepared for her to pass away so quickly after my arrival, but it seemed she was waiting for me.
Toward the end of her days, I recorded snippets of our visits, hoping to capture a story or two. I always wanted to remember her voice and her “franglais” accent. I’ve listened to those recordings a bit over the last week. I managed to capture her saying, “I love you so much, you are the angel of my heart.” That was so beautiful and exactly how I feel about her.
When I arrived at the boarding home where she spent the last 13 years of her life, I knew she was just waiting for me. I remember looking at my dad and saying, “Okay, I guess we are doing this today.” I sat down on her left side because I knew she could hear in that ear. I just talked to her, telling her how much I loved her and how much the kids loved her. I told her it was okay to go. There were moments when she would open her eyes and look off to the right corner of the room. All I could imagine was Pepere and her brothers and sisters standing there, calling her home.
I held her incredibly soft hand as her caretakers and the workers at the home came in one by one to say their farewells to Memere. They all wept and shared how much they loved her. Memere had this incredible way of making everyone love her.
Memere loved my kids with all her heart and soul, and every time we saw 11:11, we always said, “Grandmemere is thinking of us.” On that day, March 20, 2018, at 11:11, Grandmemere left this earth to be with her many loved ones in heaven.
As I think about the losses I’ve experienced over the last few years, this loss was sad and beautiful all at the same time. I was lucky enough to have this woman in my life for 46 years and share her with my children. The room, when she passed, was filled with love. Love from family and love from the “family” that took care of her for 13 years at the home. The day was beautiful and bright and warm, just as the first day of spring should be. Ninety-nine years is a long time to live and Memere’s was a life full of family and love.
Here is the remembrance I shared at her funeral:
Agathe, Aggie, Mrs. Sutton, Matante, Sister, Mom, Memere, and Grandmemere
All of these names fill your hearts today with special memories. These memories ignite warmth deep in my soul. I was lucky enough to grow up next door to Memere and Pepere Sutton. They were literally a hop down my front steps, a skip up the block, and a jump onto the little retaining wall to their house. Many things come to mind when I think of Memere: family, faith, wisdom, love.
Family: Family was everything to Memere. I’d like to start by thanking her Sarah Frye family for loving her and taking good care of her all of these years. Every time I’d go to visit, she’d speak highly of everyone, she’d say “I love them, they take such good care of me”.
Memere’s family meant the world to her, she loved spending time with each and every person, from her cherished daily visits with my dad to the visits from other family members and adopted family members. She would tell me all about when someone special would stop by.
How lucky am I to have had her for 45 years? Every Sunday, after the 11:00 mass, we’d go to Memere and Pepere to eat lunch. Lunch would either be pork chop casserole, her chicken stew, or a chicken dinner… I always prayed in church that it wasn’t pork chop casserole. Now I eat it, not because I love it, but because it creates those warm memories of those Sunday afternoons.
During the week, my childhood visits consisted of me sitting in the orange chair and Memere knitting in her chair and Pepere just sitting there smiling in his chair. You always knew that you could only go over at 4:00 because they were always deep into their stories, you didn’t dare go over until Guiding Light was over.
As Memere got older, she had to watch all of her precious siblings and beloved Emilio leave this earth. This was an incredibly sad time for Memere. She lived at home alone, watching her stories, knitting, and playing solitaire, but these hobbies didn’t fill the holes in her heart. She was lonely, and she would pray that the good Lord would come and get her so she could join her Emilio and siblings, but alas, Mickailey and Jamison were born and she got a new sparkle in her eye, she vowed to stick around a little longer to watch them grow.
Mick and Jamo, Grandmemere lived for you, to visit with you, to take selfies with you, to play soccer with you, to ask you how school was going 20 times a visit. She spoke of you constantly, she missed you like crazy while you were home busy with your lives, she prayed for your happiness every day, she loved holidays with you even if it was on Facetime and watching your hockey games when we came to town. How lucky are you to have this special guardian angel, looking after you forever!
Faith:
Memere was the most faithful person I know. She never missed a mass when she was healthy and when she couldn’t make it to church, she would have EWTN on her TV and receive communion weekly. Whenever someone close to me needed prayers, I always asked Memere to say her rosary and pray for that person close to my heart. God always heard her prayers loudest.
Wisdom:
One moment that made an impact was when Mick and I stopped by for a quick 10-minute visit after a hockey game. We were in a rush that day, but I always had to stop. She was telling me about how she lost and found her favorite rosary. She started telling me the story of the rosary that she had hanging in her room. The story led to her telling Mick and me how she and Pepere met. This moment was significant because in my crazy busy, hurried life, when your 96-year-old grandmother tells you her history – you listen. Sitting there that day taught me more about listening closely, being present, passing stories down, loving, and taking time to smell the roses in this crazy life.
Love:
Last night, I had so many people say, “I can’t believe how many people are here at the funeral parlor”. I’m sure considering the tiny size of my immediate family, my answer to that is love. At the end of 99 years, a full room of people gathering to celebrate your life can only mean you gave love and you were loved.
Rest well sweet Memere, I know that the gates of heaven opened right up and welcomed you. We can all imagine you rejoicing with your Emilio and other loved ones. I know you’ll be with us like a handprint on our hearts. Love you!
